Saturday, June 24, 2017


Words I actually heard:
-so what is new with you?
-are you loving your house?
-what are you up to these days?
-it is so good to see you

Words I actually felt:
-why aren't you married?
-are you dating anyone?
-what are you doing with a whole house?
-you are loved

Perceptions are something I think about a lot. Later in the day, mom and I were talking to a neighbor. She made some comment about a common acquaintance who had lost his job. She had heard about the ordeal from his son earlier this week, but the man we were talking to shared a different side of the story. We remarked as we walked home, how everyone's story is different because it is experienced through different lenses. It's not that one person is right and another person is's that they both experienced the same event differently so their stories can never be expected to be the same.

So it is with other perceptions. If I had only listened to what I heard, I would have been frustrated at having the same conversations over and over again. I would have probably been mad because, I've now answered these types of questions for years, always with few updates, and little new to say about it. But because I recognized that the people asking genuinely cared and loved me, I acted a little more patient, a little more kind, and gracious that they would be so concerned as to ask how I was really doing. From my preschool teacher, to old neighbors, to old friends who have moved away and had children, to the mothers of friends of mine from high school, to the children I used to babysit who now have babies of their own, to old church leaders...I recognize that I have a whole group of people who love me, who are cheering me on, who are in my corner. Sometimes, I may not be able to discern what I hear from what I feel. I'm human and sometimes, I'm tired. But when I step back and strive to see things for what they really are and discern what I heard from what I felt...I can see that the Lord has given me an incredible support system for which...I am so blessed.

Monday, June 5, 2017

write more

Sometimes I get impressions and I'm not sure what they mean. This one was one of them. Write more.

Write more.

more more more more more more more more more....

I don't think that's what was meant. This was an impression I received back in February and the February before. I'm not sure what it means and most of the time, I'm really not sure I do anything different because of it. But sometimes...when a pen is in my hand or keys are under my finger comes back to me...write more.

So, let's talk about what I delighted in today.

I would have liked to have delighted in waking up early, which thing I didn't do, exercising before work, again didn't do it, and eating a balanced breakfast, didn't do that either. I did however get to work on time. Go me.

I persevered through my email which always seems to feel like the never ending black hole...because it is. I left with no unread emails. Does it mean that I'm done responding to email? Does it ever? No, it never does. But I've come to terms with it and its fine.

I ate lunch and did paperwork. I called a dear patient's mother who I've been so worried about. I fretted about what I was going to do about another patient situation which is still unresolved.

I went on a walk. I calendared for the week. I went home. I fixed myself dinner. I listened to a book on overdrive. It will always be a bother to me that overdrive only lets me reserve 5 books, I mean have 5 books on hold at a time. That means I've been waiting 2 months for one of my books to come through. I'm too cheap for audible, even though I know, I'd love it.

I read my scriptures, finished my monthly planning, responded to text messages. Then I watered my flowers and went on a walk. I made my step goal today. Then I made lemonade. Then I took pictures of twin baby deer out my window and now I sit, here. Writing more.

Life is an interesting thing. It's easy to want what you don't have. It's easy to dig yourself in a hole of things you wish you did or could have done better, or think you ought to have had a better attitude about. is what it is and tomorrow I can do better.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow...I have the opportunity to write more...again.