Monday, March 28, 2016

Week 12: The Week I Played Mom

Last week, my mom had her knee replaced. We've been through this before, though I'm not sure if that made it better or worse.

She made it through like a champ and honestly was doing better after the first day than she was weeks after she had the first one done. The trickiest thing about it is that my mom is wonder woman...and everyone knows wonder woman is a terrible patient.

I took last week off to essentially "play mom." I went on "the ride", took care of bob's blood, fixed meals, refilled waters and the knee cooler machine. And the million other little things mom does. Not to say I did all the things or did any of them as well as she does but hopefully it helped.

I still went to Tuesday class and worked Friday. I went to a RS Bread class on Thursday night. It's my goal to bake more bread this week and hope it turns out as remotely well as the first loaf did. Saturday I returned home again, bounced back and forth on Sunday as the choir sang "Consider the Lilies." They sounded incredible. It makes me so proud to be able to lead them.

The week was still my own, probably more than it should have been. I still did some work from home. I still went through the usual stuff but, stepping into someone else's shoes helped my heart to grow, my patience to be strengthened and my tendency toward sharpness to be dulled. I tried to let myself be more complimentary, more kind, more loving and just more of whatever it needed to be.

As I sat and watched the General Women's session of General Conference with my Mom, my heart strings were tugged as I thought of all the ways I can bless the lives of others, and need to do so more regularly. My sweet mom sat and wept through the whole conference. I know she wasn't thinking the same thing as I, but I was thinking...she's so incredible and she demonstrates so many of the attributes that were spoken of. I'm so grateful for her example.

Week 11: tick, tick, tick, boom!

(in case you're not up on your gilmore girls references...the title is from season 4, episode 18)

this week has been every shade of crazy. catching up on a week of emails while being in meetings was crazy. crazy news is crazy. but being with my family last week was worth it.

i've drug my feet to write about this week and i've ultimately decided i'm not going to.

the most anti-climactic post ever...

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Week 9/10 : Who I was and who I am, the colliding of worlds

Highlights of the week/s:

  • dinner with friends from high school--rach, nicole, sus and nat
  • running into people i love in unexpected places
  • wandering the library and going to the gym
  • finishing a book on tape--blink
  • caulking my pantry--to ward away the ants
  • cleaning the garage--for the sake of my sanity
  • cataloging my small food storage--the only thing that has order in my storage room
  • meeting my new neighbor--who also has a brother with ds
  • great phone calls with friends--aka nat
  • disney on ice with christin and my mom. a trip to litza's and a trip to the disney store where i am ever humbled by the kindness and generosity of others (see story 1)
  • playing and visiting with car and the babes--who aren't wee bobbies anymore, they're mini people
  • waffle love with mary 
  • seeing patients
  • reading books, soaking in books upon books
  • becoming curious because of what I've read
  • good tinder matches (because that does not always happen)
  • happy reunions
  • digging for rocks
  • going down a path i'd never been down before
  • the smell of cooked cabbage
  • tulips popping up out of the ground
  • spending time with my family
  • my dad bringing me a heated blanket
  • choosing carpet! finally!
  • cleaning my garage
  • singing songs
  • megan's homecoming
  • following promptings
  • sweet surprises

Today I had the delightful opportunity to reunite with dear friends for the homecoming of a sister I had the privilege of serving in a Relief Society calling with. As the other 3 of us sat together, watching this sister speak of the experiences she has had over the past 18 months, my heart swelled with gratitude for that time in my life (the time of a mission and the time i had serving with her) and for the time I currently have, to be where I am.

I find that in "reunion moments" where lives previous and current collide; perspective, peace and substance emerge out of the whirlwind. In the moment, it can be hard to determine why you're there, what you're supposed to be contributing and if you're doing the good you could. Immediately reflecting back, it can still be hard to see but as time goes by...perspective, peace and substance emerge.

Today's experience took me back. It reminded me that 18 months ago I was living at home during what was supposed to be a "short transition time" which transitioned into two and half years. During that time, I commuted 30 minutes to work 1 way on a good traffic day to my full-time job as a brand new speech pathologist. I completed a post-grad fellowship program which took my Friday's on the road from Salt Lake to Logan and required a lot of reading, research and time and I served in a relief society presidency in my home YSA ward. It was a busy time which at the time seemed like an eternity and now seems like it all happened in the blink of an eye.

I've read a lot in the past week and something that has stood out to me in all that I have read is the value of the middle. When we start the retell of a story, we begin with the beginning set up and then we skip to the end, the resolve, how it all turned out. The value of the end is only of value because of the experiences we had in the middle. Sometimes I talk about my life in these phases of almost separate lives because while some people cross the time phases, a lot don't. When location changes, its almost like everything changes in a sense. I really think its more that when you move to a new place, its a way to kind of "capstone" a phase of life. Some people have children to "capstone" phases, maybe places they've lived, jobs...I have places I've lived and roommates I've had, wards I've been in, callings I've had.

The perspective, peace and substance of that time in my life came today. It reminded me that the past has been good, really good. That I have grown since then and have continued to be shaped by my opportunities. That the lessons I've learned have been stepping stones to further growth and attainment. It reminded me that the past is never really over. The people you got to know and grew to love are always there, maybe in a different way but they are always there. As Megan spoke of sacrifice and the worth of sacrifice, I thought of various sacrifices made by myself and others who have contributed to the "bettering" in someway. Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

I delight in simple answers to a prayer.

    T Prayer is truly the souls sincerest desire. Tonight my heart swelled with every emotion in the book and the only thing I could think need to pray. I couldn't find the words to express what I was thinking or feeling so I started just focusing on the hymns the organist was playing. My mind was able to settle down as it focused on the beginning notes of a hymn. Would I know this one? How many notes would it take me to guess it? Did I know the words? What about if he decided to play an additional verse? While I knew I should be praying, my mind was finally able to focus and calm by tuning intently into the music. 
       And...I was able to recognize answers to my unspoken prayers as I listened and mentally sang along. This hymn, although never played by the organist, came to my mind. The bolded lines were the things that struck me the most.

     I I am so grateful that the Lord knows the thoughts and intents of my heart. I'm so grateful he can calm my troubled heart, bind my broken heart, and let not sorrow overwhelm. He will curb the winds and calm the billows and in him, I will find everlasting peace.

  1. 1. Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
    Thy sweet message now impart.
    May thy Spirit, pure and fervid,
    Enter ev'ry timid heart;
    Carry there the swift conviction,
    Turning back the sinful tide.
    Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
    May each soul in thee abide.
  2. 2. Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
    We are weak but thou art strong;
    In thy infinite compassion,
    Stay the tide of sin and wrong.
    Keep thy loving arms around us;
    Keep us in the narrow way.
    Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
    Let us never from thee stray.
  3. 3. Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
    Thou wilt bind the broken heart.
    Let not sorrow overwhelm us;
    Dry the bitter tears that start.
    Curb the winds and calm the billows;
    Bid the angry tempest cease.
    Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
    Grant us everlasting peace.