delighting in week 7/52

 The quality of this photo is terrible but I love it nonetheless. Every time I go to the Brigham City Temple I take pictures, not of the temple but of the tabernacle across the street. It is so photogenic, so historic and so beautifully positioned for a picture. If only my iPhone could have captured the lighting a little better this picture would better represent the illuminating experience of my Saturday morning.

This was a week. A few weeks ago, we were discussing at work what sense we could part with if we had to...and while I'm not sure my voice is a sense per se, I've decided I never want to live without it. Doing my job was interesting with an intermittently present voice but we survived. Cepracol was my bff of the week. Saved my life.

In terms of delights this week, the temple was definitely at the top of the list with institute also in the close running. Reading "5 Minutes Peace" with Christin and adventures with my mom were also right up there. Then there's the haircut...

Yes, I know this is one of those pictures that is just like the before and after pictures for lots of products...before is a picture of unstyled hair, the person has no make up on of course so that when you see the after picture they look completely different because they're all dolled up. Well here you go, I did the same thing. But you know, sadly it wasn't intentional...its just the way it has been. I slowly stopped getting ready, doing things with my hair, etc.  Needless to say, it was time for a change. And so, there it is. We'll see how long the bangs last. I've been scaring myself all day every time I've gotten a glimpse in the mirror of myself. It was a needed change though. And I believe change can rub off to other things.

A short bullet list of other delights:

• giving and getting valentine's day "surprises"
• getting things done ahead of time
• using my planner more effectively
• daily scripture study
• still light at 6 pm
• opportunities to share experiences
• autism advocacy/legislature activity
• experiences that teach you things--2 words: smoke detector
• dancing at PALS with my favorite people
• making sugar cookies with friends, sharing them with friends
• naps
• hearing "sis, i need more snuggles and books"
• the difference between skill deficits and performance deficits
• reminiscing my mission
• playing skip-bo (even though i hate it)
• talking to new people
• making (and eating) delish eclair cake
• scripture time/goal making/weekly planning

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highway don't care--tim mcgraw and taylor swift

doctrine and covenants 123: 12-17

visions of glory (dying to read)

alma 32

autism council of utah

christin's art

talking about talking about an asd dx

I delight in Autism Awareness Day.

Craig and the stop sign

In 2008, I posted the following to a my in honor of Autism Awareness Day:

Just thought I would do my part in educating a few more people in the world about the importance of early detection of Autism. Everyday in pretty much ALL of my classes we talk about the importance of early intervention when it comes to disorders like autism, syndromes like down syndrome, speech and language disorders, hearing impairments, and I could go on and on but let me just say for the record...the early years are the years you can make the biggest difference in a child's life--and that goes for any child disabled or not!

A few things I think everyone should know about Autism:

What is Autism?
Autism (sometimes called “classical autism”) is the most common condition in a group of developmental disorders known as the autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). Autism is characterized by impaired social interaction, problems with verbal and nonverbal communication, and unusual, repetitive, or severely limited activities and interests. Other ASDs include Asperger syndrome, Rett syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, and pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (usually referred to as PDD-NOS). Experts estimate that three to six children out of every 1,000 will have autism. Males are four times more likely to have autism than females.

Common signs of Autism:
Autism varies widely in its severity and symptoms and may go unrecognized, especially in mildly affected children or when it is masked by more debilitating handicaps. Doctors rely on a core group of behaviors to alert them to the possibility of a diagnosis of autism. These behaviors are:

-impaired ability to make friends with peers
-impaired ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others
-absence or impairment of imaginative and social play
-stereotyped, repetitive, or unusual use of language
-restricted patterns of interest that are abnormal in intensity or focus
-preoccupation with certain objects or subjects
-inflexible adherence to specific routines or rituals

It is crazy that since I wrote this, the incidence of ASD is now 1:88 which was released just last week by the CDC. And so, now more than ever, we need to be aware of Autism. We need to know how to support these amazing children, adults and their families. This includes supporting them in our classrooms, communities, families and social circles. It means learning about it, talking about it and doing something about it.

My Mom and I recently had the opportunity to attend two seminars which centered on various aspects of Autism: one hosted at the Jewish Community Center in Salt Lake City and one at Weber State University. In discussion after both of these seminars, Mom left feeling lost because it didn't seem that anyone talked about the things that she "would have talked about and that things she feels she needs support and direction with." In talking about what these things are, it's the things that anyone would almost automatically leave out of the conversation: the meltdowns, the hard times, the struggles and the ever evolving difficulties. While you work so hard to constantly overcome these things, they seem to have a way of coming back around. The times when Autism gets the best of things and life really isn't just different but its a fight in the trenches. As we continued talking about it, we realized we are just as guilty as the next in omitting the details most of the time. And so, my goal for the upcoming year is to help make Autism more understandable in terms of what it is like in my life, the life of my family, and most importantly what it is like in Craig's life.

Autism awareness begins with those who live with autism.

I delight in lessons in love.

mom and lb after she won a gold medal in special olympics bowling on her birthday!

me and craig on the last day of carpooling to work together, for now anyway.

Lessons.

I just keep learning them.

Lately though, I have had a more difficult time articulating my strong feelings in to words. I've realized more than ever as of late, that life is dynamic. And that dynamic is difficult to get used to because circumstances are always changing. Circumstances as I know will be different in the future as they are now different than they were in the past.

Things change, people change, but we go with it, try our hardest and make it work. Things can and will work together for our good. Our abilities and capacities can and will be expanded to handle whatever comes our way. That is a blessing to know but difficult to remember always.

It is the simple things that have been getting me through. For example:

• Last night, LB and I were "eggosizing agether" (translation: exercising together) and as I watched her trying to keep up with Jillian Michaels (which is difficult for us all...right?) I couldn't help but smile at her willingness to try and to have a blast doing it.
• Earlier in the week, as Craig and I were driving to work, we saw a peacock running up the side of our road. Craig loves peacocks, loves them. He was thrilled!
• Mom and I have been getting up early and walking. Having Mom all to myself is a rarity so I know to appreciate it and enjoy every minute when it happens.
• I've had some good chats with Craig, even though the circumstances are trying, I am so grateful for the relationship we have.

The point of the story is that life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful. Even the awkward, uncomfortable, even flat out embarrassing moments of life can help us to have greater capacities to love and to appreciate the small and simple things.

I delight in the process.

picture from here

Right now, I'm consumed in writing a research paper--because I have procrastinated it. I haven't meant to procrastinate it, I've just enjoyed doing all the research. I keep finding more and more interesting articles that I just want to read and think about. Call me a dork or call me a passionate grad student, I don't really mind. Either way, I'm enjoying writing this research paper (minus the fear I have about not being 'creative' or citing my research in correct APA style since both of these things are in the grading criteria and I'm not feeling confident about either of them.

My paper is about Autism: Predictors in Adult Outcome. I chose this subject for personal reasons since Craig is in the adult category. I wanted to know if there were better answers about expectations parents can have for the future. Honestly, transitions are hard for people with autism (right Craig?). Change is just not his favorite thing unless its good change of course. But the transition from school life to non-school life is rough but do-able. As a one day/soon-to-be professional (meaning I have a degree and experience--however little experience that is...it'll be a start), anyway, I want to have answers for parents or at least a direction to point them in, resources to go to, possibilities to prepare for rather than the abyss of the future.

More on my paper later when I've actually drawn some more substantial conclusions in a more 'share-able' form--not that you're interested however I delight in autism so you hear about it a lot!

Anyhow, this week is about my Mom and yesterday she was super kind. She dug up the past, something she doesn't like to do. There is a reason that we keep lots of stuff piled in front of filing cabinets that hold documents from the past and that reason is because its in the past.

Remember how in the Lion King, there's a whole part about Simba and Rafiki where Rafiki is trying to get Simba to shape up and remember who he is. He knocks him on the head and Simba says, 'what did you do that for?' to which Rafiki replies, 'it doesn't matta, its in the past.' And so that's the view my Mom has taken in life...Whatever the past has been, you have a spotless future (kind of goes with yesterdays lesson huh?). However, there is something about looking to the pat and seeing how far you've come! Its a fantastic experience and yesterday as I read old papers--wow...progress! Being able to get far enough ahead to see with clarity what's really happened and how far you've really come is a variable amount of time, but its only a matter of time none-the-less.

I delight in sister time.

All weekend, I heard..."sister time is not today its on monday." Call me the cruel big sister but I had homework, things to do, and places to be.

So, I told Christin that "sister time" was Monday. And so, today, we had our sister time. The rest of the family headed south to the viewing and we got us some quality time together. You know, the usual...pizza at litzas, a trip to target, and the second harry potter movie. She drew pictures, I organized life, it was fantastic.

I don't know how I got so lucky (not that i believe in luck) to have a sister who wants to always have sister time with me, but I am so grateful for her.

I'm also happy that tonight was a 'success' on Craig's account. He walked in the door beaming from ear to ear; so happy about all the relatives he finally got to meet. Mom said, that one family walked in with 3 little kids, Craig rattled off all their names and they stood there stunned, wondering how someone they didn't know, seemed to know them and so well. Craig introduced himself as the family genealogist and everyone seemed to understand.

There is easily a quality (and quantity) of anxiety walking into situations like tonight--an un-'well-known' crowd, potential small children, potential people who don't 'understand.' But nothing brings more joy and more relief than an unknown crowd who becomes known, who understands and who believe in a bedtime for their children. Happy happy joy joy for successful days in the McQuivey household!

I delight in talents.

Today, Craig told me that a relative moved into the singles ward. Really? I said. This might be typical for a lot of people, but not for us. Of course, Craig, being a family history whiz and all, puts connections together much better than I do. All he needed to hear was the last name Hinckley and the state of Washington and his wheels were turning. I on the other hand, didn't even know we were related to any Hinckley's. Anyway...I'm sure at this point, Craig went home and checked through the databases to see if this kid was indeed related. Well, today he sat next to the kid and inquired. Craig's passion of family history can get him to do a lot of things he wouldn't typically do...like sitting down and initiating a conversation with someone. Anyway, indeed his suspicion was correct. Craig asked the boy if he was related to a Rhonda Hinckley and sure enough, it was his Grandma. And so, somehow, through my great grandparents...we're related. Don't ask me how. That's why I have Craig as a brother, he's always just a phone call away. I appreciate this talent that Craig has. I appreciate how many lives he blesses through the work that he does. I also appreciate the diligence with which he searches for family members and his bravery in contacting people he doesn't even know. Very very cool.

I delight in 'a blue day.'

Ever since I read "Thinking in Pictures" by Temple Grandin, I have become minorly obsessed about reading books written by people who have autism. My mom and I have always talked about how we wish we could step into Craig's (my older brother who has autism) mind for 5 minutes--to know how he sees life, how his brain processes information, how its organized, to learn why he does some of the things he does and why he doesn't do other things. Reading books by people with Autism is as close as I'll probably come.

Over the holiday I read "Born on a Blue Day" by Daniel Tammet. He is an incredible individual who is different than Temple because he is a savant. Savants are those who have incredible talents in certain areas. Daniel experiences numbers as colors, shapes and motions--this ability helps him to amazing things with numbers. Examples: Daniel recited Pi (3.14...) to its 22, 514th decimal place with no errors in 5 and a half hours on Pi Day (3/14) to raise money in the UK for Epilepsy awareness. He can also tell you what day of the week you were born on. And finally and possibly the most amazing--he knows and speaks 10 languages fluently including Icelandic (the most difficult language) which he learned in just a week.

My favorite part of the book however is when Daniel related his experience of meeting Kim Peek. Kim doesn't have autism but he was definitely a savant and had many autistic like characteristics. I learned while reading this book that Kim passed away from a heart attack while I was on my mission (December 19, 2009). I remember hearing Kim's name a lot growing up. I also remember seeing him once, I'm not sure if it was on TV or if he actually visited my school. He's from Salt Lake City so him visiting my elementary school wouldn't have been outrageous. You see, that was something he and his father felt strongly about doing-visiting schools and hospitals to teach people that:

"You don't have to be handicapped to be different. Everybody is different."

I love that. That is an important message we can all learn something from! Below I have posted a YouTube clip I found from the Documentary done on Daniel entitled "Brainman" not to be confused with "Rainman" the movie inspired by Kim Peek. It documents when Daniel and Kim met. I hope you're inspired as I was.

I delight in awareness.

pic from amazon

Consider yourself warned that I am writing this post under influence of Willard, the library which has held me captive for a while now and will hold me captive for a few more hours. However, I'm taking a break to share with you some things I've learned in this study session.

For the past hour, I have been pretending like I'm a parent whose child just received the diagnosis of Autism (its my assignment). I've been scouring the internet looking for resources to find out what the prognosis is for speech and language development. And you know what I've found? A lot of fluffy (general) information. I focus not so much on the fluff but on the sheer amount of information. How could a parent ever sift through it all? Even if they did how could they sift out what is true and what is just made up junk? I have no idea. Especially considering the highly emotional state they would inevitably be in as the embarked on the search.

I am now formulating and handout of suggestions for parents who find themselves in this situation, its been a mind opening experience. I'm seeing it on a new side. I've always heard my Mom's experiences of my brother being diagnosed with Autism and I'm seeing a new and challenging side as a clinician in training. I have a lot of opinions about the subject on things like the effect of labels in general, stereotypes held solely by society not based on any evidence, the DSM and the "many forces besides science [who] shape it, including politics, fashion and tradition" (Time Magazine, January 20, 2003, Cloud, pg. 103), the social memes (thank you dr. redmond) and the increasing use of the label of autism. I'm sure I'll oblige in further discussion another time.

For now and for me personally...I delight in the kind of awareness this movie has created. I am a fan. I own and have read the book. I also own and have watched the movie which was highly recognized at the recent Emmy awards. It is a unique and well portrayed view of one persons life with autism that anyone can learn something from. I recommend it.