Sunday, October 4, 2015

I delight in contributing good.

pretty flower/leaf things
somewhere in israel

Yesterday and today I have been soaking in every drop of general conference. 

Historically, I've always been pretty hyper-vigil about general conference. I like to watch it, notebook in hand with a great pen. Focused, quiet and determined to take abundant notes. This conference, I was in a sense, forced to do something different. 

You see, this weekend, I was supposed to be in Idaho with the fam at the cabin. I really wanted to be there with my family in my favorite place. However, as last week drew on, I realized, I was suffocating in my to-do list and quickly going crazy living out of boxes spread throughout my house. Therefore, the best choice I could make for my sanity was to stay home, get organized and participate in conference from home. 

Friday was full of fulfilling the to-do list, at least in the home-life sense. And so I did...I shopped, painted, organized, cleaned, painted, painted and did I mention, paint? Friday night however, it occurred to me that I had no internet and no cable leaving me with few conference options. In my exhausted mind, I decided I would run home-home, watch the first session after stopping to buy some paint, and pack up some stuff from my family's house. Then, I would learn to be settled experiencing conference a different way...listening without a pen in hand but with a steering wheel in hand instead. And you know what...I'll never forget listening to the afternoon session and hearing the names of the new apostles who had been called: Elder Rasband, Elder Stevenson and Elder Renlund. My heart swelled as I drove on I-15 and I was gently reminded that conference with pen-in-hand is my own rigidity, not the Lord's necessity. The Spirit filled my car as I drove and the radio filled my house upon returning home, all the while, the Spirit continued to abound. As I was unpacking, moving, cleaning, organizing and even painting, I listened with intent and the Spirit taught. I jotted down impressions amid everything else and it was a beautiful experience. I was reminded, its not about your circumstances, its about your heart and your intent. 

God is so good and so merciful. My heart has been touched, my soul consoled and my spirit buoyed up to stay afloat. 

While there are many impressions I have received, one of them hit me the most this morning as I listened on the radio. At first I listened outside, unfortunately it was far too cold, so then I sat on my kitchen counter because I don't yet have stools and my kitchen table...is full of tools and papers. Again, the answers came and the Spirit filled my home. This session; however,  I had a very distinct thought that directly applies to this blog in fact!

During President Russell M. Nelson's talk, I'm not going to lie, my initial thought was...oh here's another talk about women. Not that I don't like those talks, but sometimes, I get overwhelmed by how "great" we are supposed to be. As I listened, more closely, I didn't hear a talk about how awesome I am as a woman or about how great I'm supposed to be, I heard a plea and promised blessings. 

President Nelson spoke of a prophecy by President Spencer W. Kimball that much of the major growth of the Church in the last days would come because of strong and devout women. He then went on to say that the Church needs women who know how to make important things happen by their faith and that we must be courageous defenders of morality and families in a sin-sick world. He went on to say, 

"We need women who are devoted to shepherding God's children along the covenant path toward exaltation; women who know how to receive personal revelation; who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment, women who know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families, women who teach fearlessly."

That doesn't tell me how awesome I am supposed to be yesterday, it tells me how much the Lord needs me, whatever it is I am today! 

The lesson here for me is two fold: 
1) "Take your rightful place in the kingdom of God. He will magnify your influence." My word of the year, has been radiate, and now its time to let my light shine in a few new ways: in my new ward that I have yet to attend, in making this blog public again, in being an organized soul who has more time for those I work with, in being a solid friend who says what she means, returning phone calls, making dinner dates, and showing the people I love just how much I love them by spending time with them and serving them. 

2) The Lord needs me to be where I am now. No one dreams of buying a home for just them alone to live in. It is so easy to feel behind and inadequate when many of my dear friends are married, have children and get to be mothers now. My heart yearns for these things and sometimes I wonder about the fruition of my desires in this life. But, the Lord has taught me in some way, almost every single day this week, that my worth is not dependent on being like anyone else or living their plan. He sent me to live my plan which is His plan for me and he wants me to have JOY in my this mortal journey I am on. And so...while I may not yet be a mother, I know that my eternal soul is a mother and that I am here trying to qualify for eternal life. 

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