Lately, I've some real life moments...what is a real life moment you ask?
I'm not sure I can describe them, I just feel them. Real life means you've vulnerable, it means your brave. It means you are real. It means you don't think, you just do. It means you don't reason through every little thing, you reason enough and then you trust. It means you do things that you never expected to do, or you never expected to do them in the way you think.
Real Moment #1: Buying a house by myself. No one dreams of buying a house for just them to live in. No, everyone dreams of buying a house for them, their sweet spouse and probably their current, pending or growing family. Some things just have cultural norms...buying a house for yourself, is not a cultural norm, and most people who you tell...well their eyes tell you that you're not living the cultural norm. That look is usually fleeting as they either become proud and supportive of your bravery...they couldn't imagine doing such a thing but maybe you're inspiring them to change their mind about that. The look sometimes changes to a look of judgement...why would you buy a house? Just rent until you get married. And sometimes the look says...it feels good to be brave doesn't it? They know this because they've experienced it and they've experienced all the looks. Their look is the most validating because they know what its like to live real life moments and how they've grown.
Real Moment #2: Learning that "alone" does not mean "lonely." Somehow life gets real when you do things by yourself because you just have to own the life you live and your choices. Sometimes when I get home...its weird to think that no one else is going to "get home" or walk in the door. And so, I've had to make deliberate decisions about what I do, how I spend my time, and how I interact with others. I make specific efforts to spend time with people, to see friends, to call the people I love. No more just waiting for fun to walk in the door, I'm intentionally choosing to be with people because I love them. Because I live alone, I am not lonely.
Real Moment #3: Being in a room with 300 people who you don't know and who don't know you but you are now going to see them every week and spend time with them. aka I went to church in my new YSA ward. That alone wasn't a big deal, although it was the first time I ever went to a ward that was going to be my ward without a roommate, a friend, an associate or a possy for that matter. I didn't really think twice about it, I went in, sat down and enjoyed the meeting. And then, then it happened, things got real. They announced that after the closing hymn and prayer, the congregation was to remain seated for introductions. I knew something was coming that I wasn't sure I was entirely up for. Post-prayer, sure enough, new and visiting members were invited to stand up and introduce themselves. There's something to be said, when on "super-cute sunday" (your first sunday in a new ward), you are asked to stand up and introduce yourself. I felt like I wanted to crawl in a hole! Now I'm not shy. I've performed in front of lots of people. I've sung in front of a crowd. I've taught classes, I've given talks and conducting a meeting...not a problem...but somehow, introducing myself that day...well I think I'm still having some PTSD from it. Now, its not that big of a deal, for whatever reason, my heart is making this a deal due to my emotional response, but man oh man...it felt like real life because then after introductions were over...it was like all the eye balls continued to look at me...few words but many words...oh the strength to be the initiator of conversation, and oh how happy the hug and smile of a familiar face that immediately began to introduce me to people.
Real moments will continue to happen. And maybe, I'll blog about more of them as they occur but until then, I challenge you to live them too. Have the experience you've been putting off. Do what you've wanted to do but haven't found anyone who wants to do it with you. Be brave and then be grateful for your ability to live life!
No regrets.
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