the posts i write

believe it or not, i actually write on this blog more than you'd ever believe, or more frequently than you'd ever know. that's right, i write but don't always click publish. why? well some thoughts just aren't well thought through, some views i fear publishing, and some things are just unpublishable. and so...my plan is to start reading some of my written up posts and click publish. be brave. be brave.

a month in

as anyone who knows me knows, i'm pretty big on goals. i really don't think we get anywhere in life without them. my relationship with goal making has been like an elastic over the years--we're always together but sometimes stretched far apart. meaning that at times, the goals were only in my head while at other times, they were clearly defined, written down and posted. i've gone back to the defined, written down and posted this year. it has been great. not terribly successful by my high and hopeful standards for myself, but its been great in that my goals are things i believe in and i think they are realistic (at least to some point).

about a month into the new year though, i really like to reflect on my goals and the one month of progress and ask myself the following questions...what is working? what is not working? how can i change to make it work? are these goals really going to help me get to where i want to go, or in other words, do i have the right focus? and last, what is top priority meaning...i can sometimes get so overwhelmed with all the goals that i meet none of the goals...this is a practice to be avoided of course. so i try and select a goal that is the top priority, something that is going to impact the other goals, help them to work, to happen and to become a reality.

and so we're a month in.  and oh goodness...we've got some work to do.

things i delight in 012413

happy things
.the frozen rain
.being glad i'm not a missionary in the freezing rain
.the ice rink on my driveway thanks to the freezing rain
.pink mints that say canada on them
.good sales
.thought provoking institute classes
.great friends
.happy sissy's
.reading all the posts i haven't posted
.things at work that challenge me
.getting my sewing machine serviced
.preparing relief society lessons
.getting pto days approved to do new things
.electric blankets
.teaching dad how to use his iphone
.being healthy/not sick

challenging things
.sliding in my car in the frozen rain
.falling in the freezing rain
.work things that make my brain think constantly
.knowing what to say, how to help, what to do
.being kind always
.knowing which direction to take my lesson prep

thinking things
.all the things i'm grateful for
.all the little things that make life wonderful
.great friends
.amazing family
.sissy's pb
.this article about parents of children with special needs

hard things
.waking up when my alarm goes off

yes i recognize the last one is very menial but its still hard, just in a different way than a lot of other real hard things. i delight in happy, challenging, thinking and hard things. i'm glad life challenges me to adapt, to seek the lord, to recognize my weakness and all the things i don't know and am not yet proficient in. i delight in constantly being pushed to be flexible, to do things i've never done and to constantly seek guidance in a myriad of ways.

----
where is the pavilion, president eyring, oct 2012
consider the blessings, president monson, october 2012
the atonement can secure your peace and happiness, october 2006
come unto me with full purpose of heart and i will heal you, elder kearon, october 2010

I delight in knowing God's plan.

today, i've felt guilty for laughing because i knew my oldest and dearest friend was crying. my heart has been heavy today since i heard the news that my dear friend carly's sweet husband mike passed away. i feel like something this tragic could (and should) only happen in movies. pregnant with twins after 6 years of marriage. there's no doubt in my mind that mike won't always be close by, it will just be beyond hand's touch and eye's glance but never beyond heart's feel.

as i have thought and prayed, pondered and wondered, i have been humbled by the goodness of the gospel. i'm not sure how one copes with death of a loved one without the knowledge of god's plan. see there is no doubt in my mind that our heavenly father has a plan, an excellent plan of happiness and salvation for all his children which includes each one of us. it makes me grateful to know that i have indeed signed up for the entire plan, not just part of that plan. it also makes me grateful to know that we can choose faith over fear and despair.

i am grateful to have known mike and for the wonderful example he and carly have been to me. carly was my first close friend to get married. he set the standard high in terms of seeing how good a man of my comparable age, can be to his wife. he loves her with everything he has and it is easy to see. he is so gentle, so caring, so kind. we love you mike!

I delight in good things.

Oh man I love new years.

There is something about a new year that is so hopeful. It's so fresh. So happy. And best of all, so unwritten. Anything could happen this year, how awesome is that!

This year I have chosen a "word of the year." My word is focus.

Last year I felt so scatterbrained all year. My mind was here, there and everywhere because I was literally: here, there, here again, back there, then all around again. Even though the schedule of life has changed little, my attitude and goals can be much more focused. Focus among the frenzy. That's the real theme.

Some themes I have already noticed emerging this year, I tried to express in a little talk I had the opportunity to give over the weekend. While I don't think I connected all my points very well at that time, I hope to be able to express some of the thoughts I was having, at least preliminarily as I hope to expand on this thought throughout the year.

Over the course of the end of the year, among the the hoopla of the holidays I became kind of indifferent about a few things. I got tired. I got overwhelmed and if anything else, I was just kind of done with 2012, it wore me out. As a result, I became indifferent to somethings.  In other words there were days where it just didn't matter. It didn't much matter if I followed the prompting of a thought I had or if I spent time in my scriptures that day. It didn't much matter if I did my visiting teaching or shut off the tv and played a game with my sister who is always anxious to spend time with me. Goodbye priorities, hello indifference. Then I started to notice indifference in others. And then indifference bugged me. When something like that bugs me...it's the number one red flag that the most guilty person of that quality is myself. And so I was called to repentance so to speak. I came face to face with all the things I had just kind of let fall by the wayside.

Currently I am involved in some leadership activities. These leadership activities and roles would suggest that I am indeed a leader. I want to be a leader. I think the words leader and indifferent cannot be part of the same person.

All these thoughts (and remember how i warned you they were kind of preliminary thoughts) reminded me of a scripture my mission president once shared with us. I don't remember the context or the time frame but the scripture can be found in Revelations 3: 15-16 in the New Testament. It says

 15 I know thy ^aworks, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

 16 So then because thou art ^alukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will ^bspue thee out of my mouth.

We can't be lukewarm (aka indifferent). I think God is saying a lot of things in this passage of scripture but as my mission president put it, we have to be all in or all out, there is no in between.

And so this year, I want to put it all in. Find the focus. Be (in mind and in the physical) where I need to  be, when I need to be there.  Be good for something and contribute good to the world.

I delight in good things and I believe there are good things to come.

---------------
also see: president hinckley, stand up for truth, byu speeches, 1996

I delight in 2012.

At the beginning of this year, I had no idea what or where the end of this year would bring me. This time last year I was still in graduate school, just starting externships and applying for jobs working with adults in different states!  All I knew and hoped is that this year would bring me to where I was supposed to be. What a broad hope!  I'm so blessed it has become actualized in a fantastic way. Different and better than I ever could have thought. 

...::: Highlights from 2012 include :::...

--3 amazing externships in three fantastic locations: mckay-dee acute/inpatient, stewart rehab outpatient and weber school district with supervisors who have not only been fantastic mentors but dear friends--
--went through the interview process: networking, networking networking; writing a hundred resumes, cover letters and curriculum vitaes; getting letters of recommendation; filling out applications and actually interviewing via skype, phone, in person and at the end of a long long drive--
--got job offers--  -- achieving my bucket list goal of getting a master's degree was accomplished when i got my MS in Speech-Language Pathology-- --finished Mom's book of our trip to my mission (finally)--  --starting my first real grown up job doing what i love with a population i love--

--spent time in st. george x2, once for an interview, once for fun with the fam--- --tuachaan x2--
--island park (sick as a dog) with nat-- --took a sewing class-- --sewed all sorts of things--
--enjoyed and photographed the beautiful leaves in mantua-- --four-wheel ride to willard peak--
--started urlend fellowship--  --threw a baby shower-- --took a concealed carry class--
--bought a laminator-- went to the monticello temple-- --switchfoot concert with mom--
--finally went to arch canyon and the dark canyon wilderness--
--achieved my bucket list goal of doing a session in every temple in utah--

--brigham city temple open house-- --ran a half marathon, again--
--president and sister simpson's homecoming--  --another mission reunion-- --held my greenie's baby--
--cabin trip with dad and craig-- --filmed ruby climb a tree-- 

--went kayaking every saturday i could-- --attended my cuz's wedding-- --institute with friends--
--breakfast at huntsman with mary as grown-ups with jobs-- --changed wards--

--took two cake decorating classes-- --started a monthly quilting group--

--spent lots of 'sister time' with LB-- --took totes of pictures--
--tried really hard to become more flexible--