Week 8: Life is not a bucket list

If there was one word to describe my week, it was probably "over." For whatever reason, potentially hormones, I was over the week, the entire week. It didn't keep me from doing any of the usual things and honestly, there were probably only two people who knew I was feeling any different than usual.

Lessons I learned this week:

• Hugging brings happiness. I like hugs and I like to hug other people. For whatever reason, I needed some hugs this week. 
• Talking to people louder than my usual volume makes my voice fatigue much faster.
• The value of assuming good intent is HIGH in every single context of life.
• Saying good-bye is never my favorite thing
• Bananas are one of the smelliest foods
• Choosing frames for pictures always starts with me having no opinion and ends with me having really strong opinions.
• Listening to books on tape is addictive.
• I'm a terrible judge of size and dimension.
• I would rather drive than ride when I don't have the attention span for a book.
• I dream of making delicious Thai Curry (or any curry for that matter) and am grateful for friends who can. 
• Regular tires are much quieter than snow tires. 
• Chocolate cake is an appropriate dinner some days.
• Maddox is the only place I will eat pickle relish. 
• Hamburgers have been my food of the week which is ironic because the first time I ever ate a hamburger was 11 years ago!
• Life is not a bucket list. 
• Life is never to be taken for granted.
• Grocery shopping at WinCo really is that much cheaper.
• Put your heart into everything you do. 
• Be the kind of person who makes other people feel so welcome and loved.
• Ants and I will never be friends!

Friday, I had the opportunity to honor the life of my dear Aunt Lorraine. As her daughters and grandson spoke of her life, I was so impressed by the woman she was and the woman that she is.

Something my cousin Lisa said really really struck me, in so much that I had recorded the funeral service for Craig and went back and listened to it myself to write down this quote that has been on my mind for the past two days. In closing, Lisa said: "I sometimes worried about her. I wanted her to have everything she wanted to have and do everything she wanted to do. And I just had this sweet peaceful reassurance the day after she died, that none of that mattered.  And that the focus so much these days is on bucket lists and doing things that you want to do and living your life and making sure that you get to do everything or have everything that you want. I want to testify that it does not matter. I feel that. I believe that. I know that she let all of that go and she was happy to let all of that go. These are earthy cares, the cares that are here on earth, they stay here. She has moved on to better things and a better place."

Those are wise words. They really made me re-examine...everything. Not everything I do, but it made me re-examine and refine my motivation for what I do...why I do it. 

I love my bucket list. And at the top of that bucket list is people--I want to be a wife and mother. I want to be the best sister, daughter, friend and person to those in my life. That is the frame in which I want to make sure I do everything I do. None of the other "stuff" or experiences should ever take the place of people and doing the things of eternal value and worth. At the end of the day I want to have lived in every moment, living a meaningful life is my bucket list. 

Sure I have lots of fun experiences I want to have in life and I've had lots of great experiences. I will still have a bucket list. But my life will not be defined by the number of things I've crossed off on that bucket list. I want my life to be defined by the people I loved, the conversations I had and the promptings I followed.

Yesterday, I tried to savor moments a little more. I hugged a little longer. Volunteered to give Christin her bath. I tried not to rush moments. I drove a little slower, aka the speed limit. I listened a little more. I waited a little more before responding. At the end of the day, as I drove home around midnight on the quiet streets of my neighborhood, the audiobook I'd been listening to for 3 weeks had just wrapped up and nothing seemed an appropriate substitute but silence. I reflected on how mortality happens and we are along for the journey. 

Lisa is right, life is not a bucket list. Bucket lists don't bring happiness. The events on a bucket list shouldn't be things to do just so you can say you did them. To me, they're experiences that happen in places I want to learn more about and with people I want to make memories with. Seeing the Mona Lisa wasn't all that great. Seeing my mom see the Mona Lisa, something she never thought she'd see, was best part. Going to Israel was great. Experiencing it and feeling it and loving it with my Dad was incredible. They are moments we talk about, share about and that have brought us closer together.

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"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military man or the peacemaking of women in homes and neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries as made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this." --Neal A. Maxwell