writing to write post 1

So the irony of my last post is that last February...I wrote pretty much the same post
http://erinsdailydelight.blogspot.com/2016/02/i-write.html

It struck me as ironic because right now I'm reading a book called "Big Magic." It's an Elizabeth Gilbert book and all that that entails but it is a very thought provoking book. Admittedly I'm only half way through (and yes, book club meets tomorrow...whoops!) but some of the things I'm thinking include the following:

What keeps me from creating?
What do I love doing that I need to make room for in my life?
Why does fear keep me from living a more creative life?
What endeavors do I love and work to support?

I have a co-worker who straight up told me after she'd been hired that she works strictly to support her expensive hobbies. While she enjoys what she does and finds satisfaction in her work, she works to live and does not live to work. A twinge inside me made me realize that I was envious of her determination, her vision, and the clarity of her path.

Part of me always wishes I had one thing I was really good at. You know, those people who are really good at the piano, or they're really incredible writers...they just have that gift. Part of me reminds me that it is a blessing in a different way to have what I call a smattering of interests. That's me. I have a smattering of interests. I might be what we call a jack of many trades and an expert at none. I have lots of diverse interests, most of which are unrelated. I have had many collections, interests, hobbies and passions. Sure, there are a few key things I come back to including reading, cooking, and old lady hobbies such as cross stitching, quilting, and the like but they're genuine things I really enjoy and I kind of rotate among them.

I think there are things I have liked in life that I could have pursued more seriously...uh, em writing being one of them. I've never felt like English was a strength for me...this is likely not a surprise to anyone who reads what I write. I tend to write like I talk and write like I was sharing this with you in real life...facial expressions, prosody, intonation, and of course gestures...I'm a hand talker. That is who I am. Communication is key and I've never felt that writing has let me convey my message as clearly as if I were to give it in person. I've always loved public speaking, presenting, talks, etc. Conveying myself through the written word isn't something I've felt was a strength. I've let that be a barrier. But the only way you get better at something is to practice.

I have another friend who once shared that she writes and reads every single day. She said it like it was a normal thing that everyone does. I thought to myself...well yes I do write and read everyday but not intentionally for my own benefit, passion or interest. But reflecting back on life, I realized that some of the happiest times of my life were when I was reading and writing daily, intentionally, meaningfully. Why had I stopped? It's a legit question that I honestly don't know the answer to; however, I am grateful for these ah-ha's and for the role that writing plays in my having them.

I'm not sure where this is going (remember, writing isn't my strong suit) but I think it's contributing to the identification and hopefully subsequent removal of my perceived barriers. About myself, about my skills, about my abilities, about where I think it's valuable to give time and energy and effort.

I did a module at work today that talked about whether you see yourself in a job, a career or a calling. It has been a thinking subject for me the rest of the day. It's definitely not a job, I feel too passionate about it. But at the same time there are so many facets of my job that feel like a job that I have a hard time discriminating what is "job" and what is "calling." I do give value and feel the calling aspect of what it is that I do. This is not the forum to get into this further, but I think the point is to say...how will you work to identify and remove barriers that keep you distanced from where you want to go? where you wish you were? where you thought you'd be? AND what are you going to do about it? are you going to do something about it? what is your next actionable step? and when is it happening for you?

when is it happening for me and what is it? good question. I'm not sure yet. I'm also not sure where my capitalization went there for a moment. I think the next step for me is writing. And writing to write. Not writing for you, not writing for polish, or praise, or anything like that but just writing and loving what happens. Living in the journey. Loving in the process. Letting life happen and learning the lessons that those opportunities afford. I probably worry more about living than actual living...that's a problem. Another subject for another day.